MARRIAGE: A NOBLE ALLIANCE OR A DOOMED EXPEDITION

Written by Abrie JF Kilian. Noble Alliance Doomed Expedition

Marriage is not merely a contract of convenience—it is a grand alliance, one that may lead to triumph or downfall. A partnership forged in the crucible of affection, tempered by duty, and upheld by the wisdom of mutual understanding. While love may occasionally be the spark that ignites the flame, or perhaps a more arranged covenantal union, at its essence, it is still but an agreement. However, the fuel for the agreement is refined from a firm, reasoned, and unwavering commitment to the agreement that will fuel the relationship through the long night of life.

History teaches that enduring alliances are not built on sentiment alone, but built on deliberate strategy and mutual understanding. Marriage is no different. The success of marriage largely depends NOT on fleeting passion, an approach we have become too accustomed to. Success is dependent on firm agreement in key areas. Before embarking on this lifelong journey together, couples must establish unity in four critical domains—money, children, in-laws, and religion. Those who achieve clarity in these areas will be far better prepared to weather life's inevitable trials and build unions that stand the test of time.

1. Money: The Currency of Marital Stability

Allow me to be frank: Financial disputes are to marriage what economic depression is to a nation. These disputes demoralise, destabilise, and sow rebellion. Studies reveal that quarrels over money are one of the prime causes of divorce (Amato and Previti, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). And why should it be otherwise? A couple who does not determine in advance how they shall earn, save, and spend is like a Trudeau government believing that the budget will balance itself—a calamitous proposition indeed!

The wise, therefore, do not wait until the coffers run dry to discuss the matter. Rather, they establish beforehand whether they shall be savers or spenders. Whether their gold shall be hoarded or circulated, and whether the extravagances of one shall be tolerated by the frugality of the other. If they succeed in this, they shall not be ruined by financial storms; they shall meet them as a navy meets the gale—prepared, resolute, and with all sails trimmed to weather the worst.

2. Children: A Question of Legacy and Logistics

On the battlefield, many soldiers have met their fate without expectation. Unfortunately, that same is true with couples who fail to discuss the matter of children before their marriage vows are spoken. The question of offspring is no minor skirmish—it is a grand campaign, determining not only the composition of the household but the very future of the name and lineage of the husband.

Will there be children? If so, how many? Shall they be raised in the stern discipline of tradition or the liberality of modernity? It is no trifling matter, for disagreement here breeds resentment, and resentment, like unchecked rebellion, leads to dissolution. The scholar Twenge (Journal of Family Psychology, 2003) confirms what common sense has long dictated—couples at odds over children and child-rearing find their fortitude swiftly eroded. If, however, they come to an accord—whether their forces shall number one, five, or none at all—they secure for themselves the great and glorious advantage of peace on the home front.

3. In-Laws: The Foreign Diplomacy of Marriage

Ah, the in-laws. Few battles in history have been won without allies, yet few alliances are fraught with as much peril as those involving family. It is an ironclad truth that when a man or woman weds, they do not merely take a spouse—they inherit an empire of relatives, complete with eccentric traditions, territorial disputes, and, in many cases, unwelcome interventions.

Dr. Terri Orbuch (The Early Years of Marriage Project, 2012) informs us that when a husband maintains warm relations with his in-laws, his chances of divorce decrease by 20%. Yet, paradoxically, when a wife becomes overly entangled with hers, the likelihood of trouble increases by the same margin. The lesson here is clear: in all foreign relations, diplomacy must be balanced with sovereignty.

History offers no shortage of warnings. Even kings have fallen due to ill-fated familial entanglements—one need look no further than the disastrous marriage alliances of the Wars of the Roses. Just as dynastic unions shaped kingdoms, so too can marital alliances shape households. Setting clear boundaries before marriage is essential to safeguarding the relationship from unwanted interference. Without them, well-meaning yet intrusive relatives can create rifts where none should exist.

Whether it’s an overbearing mother, a meddlesome cousin, or a father-in-law who sees himself as the commanding officer of a battle he was never meant to fight, a couple that stands firm together will not be easily divided. True unity is a shield—those who wield it wisely remain unshaken.

4. Religion: The Foundation of a Shared Creed

Few forces shape a marriage as profoundly as faith, and few things can divide one as swiftly. History is littered with conflicts born of religious discord, and the same tensions can unravel a household if beliefs are misaligned. A couple at odds in matters of faith risks drifting apart, their differences slowly eroding the unity they once shared.

Research (Social Forces, 1997) confirms what wisdom has long suggested—couples who share religious beliefs and practices tend to have stronger, more enduring marriages. The reason is simple: a shared faith fosters mutual understanding, common values, and a sense of purpose. Whether they find meaning in age-old traditions or a more personal, modern spirituality, harmony in belief strengthens the foundation of their union.

But religious unity extends beyond worship—it influences how a couple raises children, defines morality, and navigates life’s trials. A house built on divided convictions will shake when tested, but one grounded in shared faith will stand firm, unyielding to the tempests of uncertainty.

Final Reflections

The sanctity of marriage is not upheld by fleeting passion nor by blind optimism. It is cemented by foresight, understanding, and the firm resolution to secure harmony before conflict can arise. The couple who enters marriage with clear and settled agreements on finances, children, in-laws, and religion does not merely improve their chances of enduring together—they fortify themselves against the calamities that bring others to ruin.

A well-prepared union stands like a fortress, unshaken by the trials of life. Those who enter the bastion of sacred bond should do so not with naïve optimism but with the foresight of seasoned navigators: at the helm steering through both calm and turbulent waters. History proves that households built on order, responsibility, and thoughtful leadership foster stability that echoes for generations. The wise and capable husband, guiding with fairness and strength, ensures his home remains steadfast, for true marital endurance is forged through wisdom, balance, and steady resolve.

Bibliography

• Amato, Paul R., and Denise Previti. “People’s Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, Social Class, the Life Course, and Adjustment.” Journal of Marriage and Family 65, no. 3 (2003): 601-607.

• Call, Vaughn R. A., and Tim B. Heaton. “Religious Influence on Marital Stability.” Social Forces 76, no. 2 (1997): 871-893.

• Dew, Jeffrey P. “Bank on It: Thrifty Couples Are the Happiest.” Journal of Family and Economic Issues 32, no. 4 (2011): 554-565.

• Orbuch, Terri L. The Early Years of Marriage Project. University of Michigan, 2012.

• Twenge, Jean M., W. Keith Campbell, and Craig A. Foster. “Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Journal of Family Psychology 17, no. 1 (2003): 13-26.